Issued by the Ministry of Information in co-operation with the War Office and the Ministry of Home Security

 

If the INVADER comes (that means the stupid people)

 

WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO DO IT WHEN IT ALL (GOD FORBID) GOES HORRIBLY HORRIBLY WRONG

 

Stupidity* threatens to invade our everyday lives.  If this happens it (and its associated evils) will be driven out by our forces.  Yet the minions of HiiRagi will also have an important part to play.  If Stupidity’s invasion of society was successful, then it was probably greatly helped by the fact that people were taken by surprise or apathy.  They did not know what to do when the moment came.  You must not be taken by surprise.  This leaflet tells you the general line you should take.  More detailed instructions will be issued if and when the danger becomes greater.  Meanwhile, read these instructions carefully and be prepared to carry them out.

 

I

When stupidity invades the first thought is to flee from your homes.  By fleeing you are crowding on the roads, in cars, on bicycles and on foot, and so help our common enemy by preventing our own armies from advancing against the peril.  You must not allow that to happen.  Therefore, your first rule is:-

 

  • IF STUPIDITY COMES BY LAND, PARACHUTE, AEROPLANE OR SHIP, YOU MUST REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE (UNLESS DIRECTED BY HIIRAGI).  THE ORDER IS TO “STAY PUT”.  If HiiRagi decides that you must be evacuated, you will be told when and how you leave.  Until you received such orders you are to stay where you are.  If you run away you will be exposed to far greater dangers.

 

II

There is another method that stupidity adopts in its invasion.  It makes use of the civilian population in order to create confusion and panic.  It spreads false rumours and issues false instructions.  In order to prevent this, you should obey the second rule, which is as follows:-

 

  • DO NOT BELIEVE RUMOURS AND DO NOT SPREAD THEM.  WHEN YOU RECIEVE AN ORDER, MAKE QUITE SURE THAT IT IS A TRUE ORDER AND NOT A FAKED ORDER.  IF YOU CAN KEEP YOUR HEAD, YOU CAN ALSO TELL WHETHER AN OFFICER IS REALLY FROM HIIRAGI OR ONLY PRETENDING TO BE SO.  USE YOUR COMMON SENSE.

 

III

The HiiRagi Army, though diabolical, sometimes cannot be everywhere at once.  Minions must be on the watch.  If you see anything suspicious, do not rush around telling everyone about it.  Go at once to your nearest HiiRagi outpost or minion and tell them exactly what you saw.  Train yourself to notice the exact time and place where you saw anything suspicious, and try to give the exact information.  Try to check your facts.  Be calm, quick and exact.  The third rule, therefore, is as follows:-

 

  • KEEP WATCH.  IF YOU SEE ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS, NOTE IT CAREFULLY AND GO AT ONCE TO YOUR NEAREST HIIRAGI OUTPOST, OFFICER OR MINION.  DO NOT RUSH ABOUT SPREADING VAGUE RUMOURS.  GO QUICKLY TO THE NEAREST AUTHORITY AND REPORT THE FACTS.

 

IV

Remember is a stupid person lands or comes near your home, they will not be feeling brave.  They will not know where they are, they will have no food, they will not know where the other stupid people are.  They will want you to give them food, means of transport and maps (even if they do not know how to read them).  They will want you to tell them where they are, where their companions are and where the HiiRagi Army is.  The forth rule, therefore, is:-

 

  • DO NOT GIVE ANY STUPID PEOPLE ANYTHING.  DO NOT TELL THEM ANYTHING.  HIDE YOUR FOOD AND YOUR BICYCLES.  HIDE YOUR MAPS.  SEE THAT THE STUPID PEOPLE GET NO PETROL.  IF YOU HAVE A CAR OR MOTORCYCLE, PUT IT OUT OF ACTION WHEN NOT IN USE.  IF YOU ARE A GARAGE PROPRIETOR, YOU MUST WORK OUT A PLAN TO PROTECT YOUR STOCK OF PETROL AND YOUR CUSTOMERS CARS.  REMEMBER, BEYOND THEIR LIMITED MENTAL FACILITIES, TRANSPORT AND PETROL WILL BE THEIR MAIN DIFFICULTIES.

 

V

You may be asked by a HiiRagi Army officer or minion to help in many ways.  For instance, the time may come when you receive orders to block roads or streets in order to prevent the enemy from advancing.  Never block a road apart from the one you have been told to.  Then you can help with falling trees, wiring them together or blocking roads with cars.  Here, therefore, is the fifth rule:-

 

  • BE READY TO HELP THE MILITARY IN ANY WAY.  BUT DO NOT BLOCK ROADS UNLESSED ORDERED TO DO SO BY THE ARMY.

 

VI

If you are in charge of a factory, store or other works, organise its defence at once.  If you are a worker, make sure that you understand the system of defence that has been organised and know what part you have to play within it.  Make certain that no suspicious strangers enter your premises.

You must know in advance who is to take command, who will be second in command, and how orders are to be transmitted.  The sixth rule is therefore as follows:-

 

  • IN FACTORIES AND SHOPS, ALL MANAGERS AND WORKMEN SHOULD ORGANISE SOME SYSTEM NOW BY WHICH A SUDDEN ATTACK CAN BE RESISTED.

 

VII

The six rules you have now read give you a general idea of what to do in the event of an invasion.  More detailed instructions may, when the time comes, be given to you by HiiRagi; they will not be given over the wireless or internet as that might convey information to the enemy.  These instruction must be obeyed at once.

Remember always that the best defence is the courage of the HiiRagi minions.  Here is your seventh rule:-

 

  • THINK BEFORE YOU ACT.  BUT ALWAYS THINK OF HIIRAGI BEFORE YOU THINK OF YOURSELF.

 

(52194)   Wt.          /              14,300,000              6/40        Hw